Tuesday, March 9

Labour pains.

I think I was in near-labour last night...
I read later on that Mexican food is a natural inducer.....
Well had I known that I would NOT have eaten that burrito,
(with hot sauce) at lunch-time! :/

(And I just happened to also read that pineapple is also an inducer....
NOTE to self: do not eat that yummy pineapple all nicely cut up in the fridge! WAH!)

I'm not sure how 'true' these wives-tales are
but let me just say that I do finally remember what labour pains feel like again.
I had totally forgotten what they felt like
and was second-guessing myself about what was real.
But after last night....OWOWOW!!
(and they were very mild labour pains)

I REMEMBER!!

Of course they were obviously not entirely 'real',
as they did not continue on (thank goodness!).

Today we pick up Jody's mom at the airport and she will stay with us for the next few months to help out and visit. I'm looking forward to a little extra help this time around. I want to try and take care of myself too so that I am a better mommy.

And so today is basically the LAST full day that I will EVER be pregnant again...I think I'm going to eat some ice cream (not like I've been refraining or anything! heheh).

So, yes, tomorrow is the BIG day. I've decided, against all my previously "ONLY NATURAL" options. I've realized that sometimes natural birth doesn't happen despite all the hardwork and trying after ~50 hours of serious back labour and "failure to progress", was the medical term (I've heard back labour is the most excruciating type but it's really all I know and remember).

I've already experienced the heartbreak and trauma of having that hope torn from me (Brooklyn was an emergency cesarean after all that labouring and I went from my ideal natural birth to a TOTALLY UN-natural birth).

Many times since then I seriously thought I had been unduly manipulated and 'persuaded' by the doctors who I fought most with until the last minutes of each UN-natural intervention (getting medivacked, epidural, c-section etc)....but now that I think about it...after being in labour for that long, I still hadn't gone through the pushing which I heard can take many hours, especially with the first child. And I can, now, potentially see why, after 50 hours of physical labour and being totally spent even though I was FINALLY at 9cm dilated (BUT with still a 'lip') that they "highly recommended" I do the emergency cesarean. And also thinking about my water which had been broken for over 24 hours by then as well (infection rates rise after this period).

Anyhow, that is basically my first birth story in a nutshell. Very traumatic for me and I never really got over it until forcing myself to come to terms with it until....

BASICALLY now.

And so considering all of that and as well as our current circumstances and being so far away from home (again) and Jody only being able to take off 2 days max of school (he is my anchor, my support, we are a team, he is my ROCK, I would be lost without him if he wasn't there), I've opted for a repeat, planned cesarean.

Not my ideal choice but this is one decision that took me months to think about and finally decide. It was really something I would have never considered otherwise, if it were not for our current circumstances. But also, with this option, I do know more of what to expect. And having to labour again for ~50 hours is not very appealing to me especially if, need be, I did (for some reason) need that emergency cesarean again.

So in the end, I will not get my VBAC, but I will get my baby and that's all that matters in this world anyways.

Anyhow, wish us luck on our big day tomorrow! =)
I'm scared.
(seriously, if you've ever had a c-section while being wide awake,
you would be too!--it's the FREAKIEST experience EVER!)

But in spite of it all
I am very hopeful that my recovery will go smoothly
and I think bonding with baby this time around will be even more profound due to the fact that I know what to expect and I won't feel as traumatized or torn.

4 comments:

Lisa said...

I completely understand how you felt about your first experience. I tried for an all natural birth with my son. I ended up admitted to the hospital with pre-eclampsia about 4 weeks before my due date. I was scheduled to be induced and my son was born 3.5 weeks premature. I desperately wanted to avoid an epidural. Well, since I was induced, they pumped me full of fluids all night the night before and then gave me the inducing drugs and broke my water the next morning. After a while, I really had to pee. Because my water had been broken they wouldn't let me get up and use the toilet, so they gave me a bed pan. Seriously...a bed pan...when my contractions are 2 minutes apart and I'm carrying about 40 extra pounds! Needless to say I couldn't use it. My bladder ended up holding him in and he was so low that they couldn't do a catheter. About 7 hours in they had to do an epidural so they could push him back a little (!!!) and then do a catheter. Then presto, baby was born! I was very fortunate that I didn't need a c-section, but for a while I was completely crushed that I had to get an epidural. I've since decided that it didn't matter, and I'm perfectly fine with an epidural next time!

Good luck tomorrow, and congratulations!!

Vita said...

Thank you for commenting Lisa! I realize how many different birth stories are out there (and how many women have a harsh opinions on the un-natural options--I used to be one of them) and was almost scared to put this post out there. I realize how traumatized some women's births can be, in spite of varying outcomes, especially if it doesn't go as the mother had planned... but mainly I'm happy to just be content and know that, in the end, our babies being healthy and in our arms is the main goal. I am finally ok with everything that happened in the past. Thanks once again! =)

And PS- yes after my first unplanned epidural and after having back labour for hours and hours and hours on end, I definately didn't have any qualms about doing that procedure next time around, heheh! (I just freakin' HATE needles, ugh!)

Lisa said...

You're welcome! I think your story is awe inspiring. 50 hours of back labor, that's amazing! I had harsh opinions of the un-natural options too, and in the weeks that followed the birth, I felt that I had been weak and just wasn't strong enough. But after time passed, like you, I realized that what really mattered was a happy, healthy baby. It seems silly now to have been so worried and upset about it (and I might have saved myself hours of pain). At least this time you can avoid the contractions! And you won't look like hell for your first pictures with the baby (that's something I've always been a little jealous of).

Jaime said...

Hiya Vita!! Just wanted to say congrats ( since I know baby must be here now) hope you are taking care of yourself and I bet the new babe is beautiful!
hugs
Jaime