My new t-shirt!!

Can't you can see why I'm so excited?! hehe!
From: punkahontas.etsy.com

I really want a...

....new purse (yes another one, just nevermind! hehe).

Here is one I like from chacha2.etsy.com: It's gorgeous but it's $425!! EEK!

Oooh and another one from mattandnat.com:

More manageable at only $160.
This one is ideal because it has a long shoulder strap so I can
wear it across my body while walking with Brooklyn ;)

And I love Matt and Nat...I have one of their wallets and it's perfect!
Vegan too (non-leather).
Not that I'm biased or anything...
I love cows too :)

And both these makers are Canadian too! Whoo!

...Ohh, please let me win the lottery ;)

Phew! What a looong winter it has been!

And a rough one too! I am just realizing, as the weather warms up, and after getting a blog visitor(!) (thank you for the nice comment btw! I love your upbeat blog and jewellery!) that I am not just another unanimous blogger in the vast web-world anymore! Well...Kate, you are not anonymous to me but you're far enough away! lol!

But I thought...especially after looking back on all the previous months' dreary posts... that I better start putting on my positive thinking-hat again. I've just been so engrossed by the whole 'motherhood' and 'working-mom' phase/crunch that I sometimes get caught up in the little things too much (geez, ya think?! hehe) and focus too much on the negative. Sometimes in this crazy world, we all just need order...you know...organized order amongst all the chaos and all the changes...and well this has been my narrowed focus lately...to a tee. But I think it's about time that I just embrace those darn changes, eh?! YEAH; I'd say! :)

And actually, it's good timing because I feel like my positive-hat has been on a bit more in the past 2 weeks. I think it's due to the warming up of the weather, my sauna and just being able to get outside and walk to work everyday also. Small changes you know. But Brooklyn loves it too, being on her sleigh during our walk to her babysitter's house :) It's nice that, even with all my b*tching about this town being so isolated, that this small town is so convenient in that I can just drop her off on my walk to work! Short distance, no sweat!

So, in essence, it's been a 'nice' yet intense visit with my 'dreary cap'; but I think it's time to move on and change it up a bit...in a positive way. For a little bit longer anyways...

Sauna pictures!!!

Jody as he was putting the sauna together...like lego blocks! hehe!

Our new sauna in the basement!!

The sauna stove and temperature gauges.

In the sauna, looking out.
How I would always like to be! lol!

Our new sauna all hooked up and ready for me to go in!!

I'm so, so very happy...........!!
I'm absolutely in love with my new sauna!! :D
And of course, with my wonderful husband who made it all possible!!

New addiction(s)?!

Let's hope so. This time around, anyhow.

I've discovered that my online shopping habit has profusely declined as of lately...and as such, my budget is breathing a sigh of relief. I think this has to do with a little help from my new beloved sauna. Have I found a new route to relax my everyday bundle of nerves?! I do think so...and I am loving it dearly!

I have also been inclined to drinking tea after dinner to curb any cravings of food that I do not need. After all, night-time snacking (after dinner) is one of my other deadly sins/habits. And plus, there is something about drinking a hot cup of tea to help me relax, especially if it is a non-sauna night.

So two new addictions/habits...?! In this case, I do hope so. I see them as two new tricks that I hope to stick to ALL year round :)

Although...I do need a new teapot now and those ones on Etsy were looking mighty fine.......

LOL! Oh the joys of trying to control each individual, ridiculous habit!! hehe!

Change.

Wow, it's amazing how plans/decisions can be changed in the blink of an eye...or in this case, at a birthday party. But, in the back of my mind, I always kind of thought that things just might end up going this way anyways.

Details to come later...much later. If these changes really do occur.

Pictures :]

Daddy taking Brooklyn out for a rare January walk in her sleigh.

Smiley girl :)

Sitting on her couch with a snack, all cozied up!

My cute little nephew, Dariusz!! :)
Too bad he's soooo far away (east coast BC) :(

Brooklyn: talking on the phone with her grandparents

who love her to bits :)

I need a fibre boost!

Ok, so I've decided to boost my fibre intake for health reasons and to aide in weight loss...so this means eating breakfast (oatmeal) again and more veggies and whole grains. Whole grains were never really an issue with me, I just haven't been eating my regular oatmeal breakfasts and veggies either lately.

So my Slim-fast meals/shakes will have to come to an, almost, end. I'll basically use them now only as meals when I don't have time or energy to make or eat anything...or for cheat days when I have Book club (AKA Food/Eat club), like this Saturday, in order to help keep the number of calories down to a minimum.

Yeah, yeah: I told me so too! hehe! You know how it is...after a dreaded Christmas weight gain, I just needed a quick fix to focus on...but I think it kinda screwed up my metabolism a bit since I didn't lose NOT ONE pound!! In fact, gained some!! Anyhow, that could also be attributed to the -40/-50 weather we had that whole month of January and beginning of February...people were saying that your body holds tight onto that fat with temperatures in that extreme. I don't know if I believe it but it would be nice if that was the main reason...however, I'm not waiting around to find out. I know what is sensible and what is not and have come to my senses once again and so I'm going back to my high fibre, solid food and wholesome eating habits. Plus, lately I have not been very 'regular'...and I HATE not being regular. So a simple solution: more fibre. And I've already lost a pound! hehe!

Although, I think the sauna helped with that pound this week; losing water weight and all but the sauna is also a good stress-reliever which, for me, is heaven-sent because I do tend to eat through stressful or boring times...and the sauna gives me something to do and at the same time helps relieve my stress!! How perfect is that?! hehe! Yesterday I curbed a sudden craving for butter-covered popcorn by going into the sauna to relax for a bit and by the time I was done, my craving was gone! Whoo! Just saved myself from 300 unnecessary calories right there!! And my skin has finally started to clear up and feel so nice after feeling so yucky all winter.

And I have also come to terms with the fact that pregnancy REALLY does alter your body composition (like, duh!)...so clothes will fit differently when you reach a familiar (pre-pregnancy) weight but things are shifted differently and the pre-pregnancy clothes that once fit you comfortably, do not fit so great seeing as you've got a new (well it's old by now!) 'muffin-top'. So I think I freaked out a little when this happened to me last November...I almost got to my pre-pregnancy weight (was like 8 pounds from it) and my jeans fit WAAAY differently still. And so I think I kind of 'gave up' and opted to eat my way through the Christmas holidays rather than practicing moderation.

Currently, even though I'm heavier than that November moment (by 8 pounds; so 16lbs from pre-weight), my jeans almost fit the same as they did then; since my stomach and back fat has gone down a bit more. I dunno...it's all a part of a learning process that I'm obviously still realizing. And geesh, I hope I realize it faster before having my next kid!! Who wants to go through all this again!? I opt not to!!!

Solutions have arrived!

Phew! That previous post was pretty intense! The fact is, for me, that that post is mainly true...however, my perception makes it EXTREMELY true on such bad days. On these days my mind magnifies these dilemmas. Of course. This is normal considering the weekend I had. But today is different. It's calmer. It's nicer. It's less complicated. Which is nice. Plus I have found two solutions to some of these dilemmas...so YEAH, that makes me feel good!

One solution is (YAYYYY) the sauna is now officially operating!!! The electrician finally got it done and Jody, that sweetheart, made sure of it (yes, I bash him lots but that's just out of frustration and I do realize that he really does do everything he can for me)!! We went in it for the first time last night after Brooklyn went to bed...OH MY GOD! It was AWESOME!!! SOOO relaxing and beautiful!! I woke up this morning feeling exhausted yet well-rested like I do after a tedious run the day before! So I'm sure the sauna will help me calm my mind and my nerves at times of craziness like during the past weekend!! After all, this is why I got it, right!?

Another solution is that I'm going to make up a monthy dinner menu for my family. I just thought of it after I wrote that (crazy) post yesterday! So something good comes out of something so personal and crazy. I am crazy but I have become an anxiety basket-case in the last two years...oh well, new tools for new feelings, right?! Maybe it's a natural part of growing up/old?!

Anyhow, you may be thinking 'how lame' is a monthly dinner menu?! But trust me...the anxiety comes mainly from trying to think too hard about what to cook for Mrs. Picky-eater and Mr. Big-eater for supper time! I nearly have daily panic attacks just trying to figure out something easy that is also tasty and healthy and not the same thing everyday. So I searched online and found this site for moms planning a menu for their family. It comes with a dinner menu and a grocery list and the recipes too! I was skeptical at first but went through the recipes and they are pretty basic and substitutes are easy if I am missing an ingredient. This solution will also help me with my grocery budget and make it more planned so that I don't go off budget. And Jody saw the menu on the counter yesterday and looked at all the dishes and actually told me "that's a really good idea!" And here I thought I was being uptight and anal about it...so I am glad that he thinks it is going to work. It's good to have him on board and I'm happy that if I am out of town or need a break from cooking than he can whip up dinner because the dish and the recipe (and the ingredients) will all be right on the menu! Easy-peasy!!

Anyhow, no one said it would be easy. But things like this make a big difference which, today, I'm pretty happy about.

I don't know why...

I swallowed a fly, I guess I'll die.

No, but in all seriousness: I don't know why I let sh*t bug me so much...I had a rough weekend and let things get to me badly. Actually I do know why: I just don't have any life tools to get this stuff/negative energy out. I'm working on it though (the sauna and other personal activities related to my own time and well-being) but it's a slow and mundane process. Things get more complicated when you have kids. Time gets more restricted, almost non-existent, for doing your 'own thing' especially when you work full-time and feel guilt-ridden for spending that extra time with your little one who you don't see all day...then spending time with your other half and then trying to throw in some 'alone' time. Seems like the impossible feat if you ask me. Then there's house-work and dishes and laundry...the list never ends. It is a tortuous feeling for most working mothers. And, we women bear this 'guilt' gene so well...it wreaks through our pores.

So, this weekend, I was by myself with Brooklyn (Jody was out of town) and she was misbehaving badly and seemed to be horribly addicted to the TV. She would freak out when I turned the TV off. I had to talk to her sitter today and request an hour a day (a max of 2) of mind-numbing TV. And it was, once again, too cold outside to walk anywhere. I managed to walk with baby girl down the road one morning but realized that the wind was too bitterly cold for both of us, so we only made it to the end of the street. And the sauna is still not up and running. Piss me off severely because this could have been my saving grace (and sanity) this weekend while Brooklyn was napping or something. So instead I ate all my stresses and troubles away. And, surprise, surprise, they are still there. Gross. Hopefully the electrician gets it going today like he said he would.

Anyhoo...my house is a disaster zone, the dishes are piled up to Mars, and making supper everyday, after working all day, seems like the dread of Death himself, to me. Like an ever-increasing anxiety as the day goes on from worrying about what the hell to cook for a picky toddler who, if you are unsuccessful in creating a 'yummy' meal, will dump all of her food on the floor. So why bother washing the floor...? ...or cooking a meal? I don't even eat my supper while she eats anymore because I get too stressed out.

This whole motherhood thing isn't exactly the fairest deal. In most cases it's great and the goods outway the bads totally...like I just can't imagine my life without my little girl so I'll take the stresses that go with it anyways. But this weekend and today; it's harder, it's tougher and it's more complicated than anything and I just feel the need to complain about it (before I eat another god-damn cheese cake!). And most times I feel like I have 2 kids to clean up after (JD also) and not just the one I gave birth to. Half the time, me and JD are not a team in terms of doing the everyday house stuff. Half the time I do everything and THEN SOME! Because I want to be healthy and I want an organized house. If JD was left to do so, we'd have bacon and eggs and smokies and Kraft dinner everyday. This is definitely not what I signed up for!! And he knows that...but that's the sucky part because he doesn't try too hard to fix things because he doesn't know what to do about it. I always have to tell him what to do or to be the one with the solution. I hate that he doesn't figure it out. Men. It just seems like sometimes they are so incapable. Why, why, why do I have to do it all?! Why do I have to think about all the solutions?! Does he really want me to have a nervous breakdown every month?!

But honestly, looking out in the real world and seeing and hearing almost every other working mom out there and feeling the same way that I do...this is, sadly, just the norm. It happens all the time to most modern day mothers. And it's just not fair. No, that is not a whine, it is mearly a statement. It is a fact. And not just my Monday-soaked negativity speaking out.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kid and husband and I love my job. I don't know what I'd do without either and yes, I do want it all. That's not bad. But I do realize that there are sacrifices to be made and that often, you cannot have it all. And mothers end up with the short end of the stick on this one...we make more of these sacrifices compared to our other-halfs. I have come to terms with this; it's just how life is in this day and age...well I've almost come to terms...ok not quite, obviously, but humour me here. Better yet, enlighten me if you can.

I just wish I had money to hire a nanny or better yet, a maid. To cook and clean so that I could make time for my family as well as time to myself. Now THAT would be fair. That almost makes me cry as to how fair it would be!! :'(

But I guess who said life was fair?! Then again, I asked Jody what he thought about things and how he's doing and he's perfectly happy with his little life right now...that's f*cken BS if you ask me...because how can he be so oblivious to my dismays?! I guess because he doesn't feel these burdens and situations like I do, probably because he doesn't feel like I do either. Sometimes I desperately wish I was a guy and didn't care about these things so much. But I hear this is normal across the board...unfortunately for us women.

Why do moms carry so much burden?! And when will this feeling of anxiety end?! I desperately need to figure something out.

Minus 6?!

Whoo! That would be a dream come true if the temperature were to reach -6c this weekend!! Right now it is -40c with the wind chill. oh joy. But -6c is what the forecast calls for on Saturday...and if this turns out to be true, I will be singing in the sun and rolling around in the ditches full of snow!! Heee!

On other positive matters: some electrician guy is looking at our sauna as I type this...like RIGHT THIS MINUTE! Hopefully he can whip it up and get it going ASAP!!!! And before the weekend!!!!! Heee!!

We also just found out that Brooklyn is going to be able to go into a dayhome starting in the summer!! Aww, my little girl is growing up soo fast!! But she will finally have some wonderful, new, little friends to play with and a good teacher to look after her during the workdays!!! Heee!!

And lucky for us, the sun is out full force today! It actually has been out a lot more lately; earlier in the day and later too which helps hugely! And so I am thinking that I will have to dust off and bring out my sunglasses once again. The bright, white snow is hard on the eyes when the sun is shining so beautifully! Yayy, spring is arriving!!!! Heee!!

I'm going to celebrate with a nice glass of red wine tonight! hehe!
Oh, I'm so excited by all this goodness that I could just pee! :P

I'm a blogger!

hehe! Wow, I've been posting quite a bit lately...but it's good. It helps in getting all the crap out in the open! lol!

Well...*sniff sniff*. Still no sauna. Can't find a god-forsaken electician in this god-forsaken town! Arghhh! Did I mention this already?! Well whatever! Poo...! Poo on you, small-town!

See...I'm getting all the crap out. hehe :)

And it's cold again...yesterday was actually quite nice, a little break from the arctic chill. It was only -25 or so...a much nicer and well-needed break from the -40's! But again today is -35 or so with the god-forsaken wind chill! I don't think it's ever been so god-forsakenly windy and chilly here! What's up with that?!

Anyhoo, the weather forecast is looking up on the weekend with smeltering temperatures of -14/-17c!!! Woohooo!! Heat wave a cometh! heheh! But we'll see how that goes...I never trust Environment Canada's god-forsaken forecasts!

And yes I know what you're thinking...."god-forsaken" IS the new word/phrase of the day. Dint'cha know?! ;)

Sunshine!

Oh the glorious sun is rising much, much earlier and setting much later too!! Longer daytime hours, in the north, makes a HUUGE difference with this current god-forsaken cold weather! The darkness is leaving us! Yah! hehe! Meaning spring is soon to arrive!!

Still no sauna. And I ate like crap on the weekend. Oh well, things start over today, one day at a time...nothing new there.

I'm going for a run today because it feels good. I'm combining my runs with incline walking too, after each run, which seems to help things along and make things more interesting on my treadmill in my dreary, empty basement. I can't wait until it warms up outside so I can take Brooklyn out walking around! Oohh I can feel spring is on its way!! hehe!

...Oi, have I got spring fever, or what?! haha!

And everything!

Well today is a GREAT day! Why? Just because ;)

I'm in a great mood and even though I haven't lost any weight I feel slimmer and like I have more energy...so I think I am skimming down even though the weigh scale isn't budging.

But anyhow, I feel good, really good and am just going to enjoy the day and the weekend!!

Also have some new pics to post soon too :)

Nothing.

Nothing. At all. No sauna, no warmer temperatures and no weight loss!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!

First problem, no sauna; the electrician we had lined up cancelled on us and so now we are left to find someone else and beg for mercy that they are available! Piss me off!!

Second problem, no warmer temperatures; the temperature has warmed up, yes to -31c (yippee) but with the wind chill it is actually a balmy -45c out there!! Fuuuuck!

Third and most irritating problem of all, no weight loss; no none. zero...actually not zero but +1.5 pounds! Fuck me*. Hard.



*Please note: this is not literal of course...this is something I say when I'm SUPER califragilisticespialadociously pissed off.

Back home :)

So I'm back from YK...it was alright of a short trip. It was cold but got to have some cafe lattes and buy a few make-up items and a cute necklace. And I went out for dinner with a good friend and also met up with another close friend unexpectedly at the store. AND met up with another friend from one of my old internships abroad (to Norway). It's so cool to meet up with people so unexpectedly at these meetings!

But oh did I ever miss my baby girl...I don't know how I am going to be gone for 4 months next year...it is going to be a HUUGE and heartbreaking challenge :(

I didn't spend too much money though (just went a little over budget) and I didn't eat too much either...all in all I would say it was a success! hehe!

So now it's back to work and I have a few new ideas to start up with. I also registered for my spring and summer week-long courses and now just have to save up for that...it's gonna be a bit more expensive than I thought...oi! Hopefully work gets back to me soon on if they are going to help me out a bit in that department!

Also the electrician for our sauna should be in today and hopefully, hopefully have it hooked it by today too!

Oh please, oh please get it ready already!! :)

In the big city...

This isn't gonna be as fun as I thought...it's supposed to be -56c tomorrow with the wind chill! And trust me, YK gets nasty winds from residing near a 'great lake'!! Ohhh, I'm glad I'm staying in the downtown core...I'm gonna have to RUN to get my coffee and to visit that jewellery store!

In other news, we are thinking of heading to NFLD this summer...again...to visit the in-laws and so that they can visit with their grand-daughter. Otherwise they won't get to see her until 2010 sometime, due to all my work and grad school and future pregnancy plans...I got lots going on in my little mind :) And it doesn't sound like they are ever going to visit us...so we'll probably go there this summer and then hold off for 2 years to go visit again. So that I can finish graduate school and have another kid! Oi!

On the diet front, things are going great! I haven't lost significant pounds yet but I'm being alot more realistic with a new and less obssessed goal of losing 1-2 pounds per week. And so far, so good. And my bloating has gone way down and I feel 110% better about eating and about foods in general...I feel like I'm finally over the obssessive stage (for me I think it takes about a solid month) and am now into the long term weight management phase where you are very aware of what you eat and how you eat it. I'm actually thinking of making most of my meals and some foods from scratch. This idea might actually help with our budget being a bit more tightened and it will also give me something extra to focus on and do at home, especially in the winter time where you can't get out as much. We'll see how long that lasts in the summer but really summer is all about eating fresh and raw foods anyways so it shouldn't be too big of a deal. But I do quite enjoy making my weekly loaves of bread :) I haven't even bought any bread in like 3 weeks! And I've started making whole wheat and am tinkering with the recipe each time so that it is good and tasty but also wholesome.

Well I am going to go to bed soon and worry about going for an underground tour of an old gold mine tomorrow morning in the -58c weather!! Boy, this tour better fricken take place in a warm, heated vehicle otherwise I'm just gonna cry!!

It never fails...

So the weekend is blessedly here...and of course I have to go and get sick! It never fails...whenever I have to go and get sick, it always happens on a weekend; my precious weekends!! And I head to YK tomorrow at supper time so am thinking that when I get back I may just have to take some sick time off of work!! hah! Sounds like a plan!