Tuesday, December 16
And THEN! The day or two after Christmas we are making a trip to Vancouver to visit my sister nda her little family for New Years!!! Can't WAIT to see them and watch Brooklyn play with her little cousin Dariusz!!
On another note regarding busy. I've been trying to get to doing some reading and research to nail down my thesis topic...so far I know who I'll be working with (a Bison Ecologist here in town) and I know that I'll be doing some kind of mapping and ecological work with regards to Wood Bison (buffalo) that we have up here. Maybe something dealing with transmission of disease between herds (turbucolosis/brucellosis) as those issues are big up here. So needless to say, I'll be reading lots before Friday when I go meet with the Bison Ecologist. I want to have my thesis proposal in to my University supervisor before January. Wish me luck! I feel like I know nothing! ack!
Saturday, December 13
So good, so good
Well I feel all right
You're so fine, you're so fine
You're, and I feel all right
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Thursday, December 11
Wednesday, December 10
Tuesday, December 9
Friday, December 5
Daylight occurs from 9:10am until 3:27pm.
Wednesday, December 3
I can't wait till this show is OVER!
5 months and counting . . .
Monday, December 1
~fed the dogs
~watched home improvement shows all morning
~drank coffee and ate 2 pieces of lovely Lindt mint chocolate (yes, IN the morning!)
~did some surfing on Etsy et al.
~watched some more tv . . . by this time, I can't even remember what
~did NOT go to the gym *GASP!*
~turned into a squash-like vegetable (ok, so this didn't REALLY happen, but it could have!)
Saturday, November 29
Wednesday, November 26
Monday, November 24
Sunday, November 23
Saturday, November 22
Friday, November 21
I couldn't be happier!! :D
I am finally getting my health back! Physically and also this time, in terms of family balance, nutrition and overall lifestyle. It's taken me over 2 years to get it back, but it's been a journey and a definite learning experience. One of which, I hope to never repeat.
And after working out in the gym 5 days a week and eating clean for roughly 85% of the time since July, I feel fit, healthy (not sick) and FREE! I can't wait to fit into my a pair of size 8's for once in my life! On my way therrr...
Even dear hubby is taking on some of my new-found and healthy habits!! *gasp* He's started working out in the gym, in the city, and is trying to eat more healthy foods. It's just amazing to see his mind open to all that. And I'm glad I can be such a positive influence on him. And I'm so grateful for my own support system. I am truly a changed person. And I hope continue on with this wonderful and healthier way of life :)
I am LOVING IT!
Now if I can just kick this nasty (but thrilling) shopping habit that I've used to replace food, lol :S
Thursday, November 20
And I think it can be agreed, that DOING THE RIGHT THING takes guts and courage.
We are ALL striving to become better, achieve more and improve our ways. This is normal. But don't lose sight of the true meaning of passion, or TRUE VALUE of integrity or of individualism. This is a struggle for us all.
I miss him for all the things he does around the house.
I miss him for being an awesome daddy and helping out with Brooklyn.
I miss him for being the best and most understanding partner ever.
And I miss him for his company and his presence.
4 more weeks!!!
PS-Kate, where are you...? I forgot to go on msn last weekend. Sorry =(
Wednesday, November 19
But sometimes. I guess not.
How sad. How very sad indeed.
But regardless, I won't be wasting my money on the likes of those who, quite obviously, choose to copy other people's hard-earned work. And I won't be forwarding said store links either (or those related who ACTUALLY support that kind of thing!) to ANY of my friends!
Funny thing is I make money...and I LOVE spending it too. And I'm just gettin' started ;) I have become a very picky and loyal customer. But it never ceases to amaze me, in this life, just how far ignorance will get you. But with someone like me, that is not far. At all. I honestly feel gypped! But myself, and customers alike, won't tolerate shit and definitely NOT stolen knock-offs.
But oh well. Life is too short for me to waste my breath on it as well (let alone my money!).
So on with the shopping spree, I say!! ;)
PS - Isn't there a support group for Etsy addicts like me?! =)
Sunday, November 16
Friday, September 19
Soooo.....looks like my metabolism is BACK ON TRACK!!!
Holy crap...that took how long??!
8 loooong months?!
Faaack...what an experience to never forget.
Am SOOOOO glad I didn't give up on myself!
Nothing like a little bit (or a lot) of weight-training and working my ass off, literally, to knock it back into submission!
BOW DOWN TO ME, ME-TA-BO-LISM!!!
BOWWWW!!! (♪♫ bow-chicka-wow-wow ♪♫)
Damn it feels good to be in the groove once again!!!!!
Wednesday, September 17
That was some nasty bitchiness I was going through, hola!
Could it just have been side effects of being off sugar for so long (aka eating clean diet)??
Could that have altered my normal PMS moods to horrific and nauseating levels??
In any case, I cleared that up with a huge junkfood binge on Saturday after those 2 glasses of wine that I had Friday nite which left me (ugh) hungover like a weeping willow! Very weird...did not know 2 glasses of wine can do that to a person, geesh! My trainer/sis said that it could be because my carb levels are a bit lower these days (b/c I eat more protein) and so there is less food to soak up the alcohol (YUP, was I ever drunk!). That and the fact that I haven't drank in over two months. Cuz we all know how bad alcohol is for weight loss! :O
But not to worry...I was back on track, after my binge, and all set to have a good week starting the next day on Sunday.
My weight training and workouts are going really good! I have, so far in the last 3 weeks, lost 1 inch on my chest, 2 inches on my waist and 1.5 inches on my hips. My pre-preggo clothes are starting to fit nicely again!!! As for my weight, well it hasn't budged much but am now able to focus on inches so that has made me a tad less obsessed with the weigh scale. Which is a nice change.
There is, once again, some positivity in the cool crisp, fall weather air!!
Friday, September 12
I guess I should feel better that I didn't eat my way into oblivion????
Yes...that is a question.
Wednesday, September 10
Tuesday, September 9
Friday, September 5
Wednesday, September 3
My baby is turning 2 on Saturday!!!!
You know, I could just pretend that this isn't happening and that she will never be over the age of 2... and that way she'll stay my little baby forever!!
...But then I'd feel bad that she'd miss her birthday party...
So I guess I better accept the fact that she is growing up :'(
*whimper, whimper, sniff, sniff*
And exercising diligently 5X a week at the gym.
And keeping up with my bi-weekly budget.
Which means that no more impulse buying is involved.
And we're gradually going 'au naturel' and all around (in terms of cleaning products, food, less packaging, etc.; all in an environmentally friendly manner).
It's all a way of life. A lifestyle.
And all in all, I feel that I'm doing quite well with integrating all of these practices into me and my family's daily routine. I guess it is a growing experience for learning moderation, self control and discipline. Excessiveness is quite rude and obnoxious most times and can often ruin a good thing. Especially the way I do it. For me, it's all or nothing half the time. I'm still working on just taking or buying a little most times but it can still be tough. But it does get easier every day and with practice.
Let's hope it lasts...
Saturday, August 30
Brooklyn: Owympics, mommie.
Friday, August 29
In terms of eating...am on day 20/21 of 'clean eating'. That's about 94% clean in almost a month! I rock, hehe!
However, am having some stomach issues this week...oy! I've upped my calorie intake to 1800 since Monday so maybe this is my body still getting used to it...let's hope so.
I am at work, but just got word, like 2 sec ago, that we are allowed to leave early at 3pm (in 5 min)...so am going to the gym early so that I can be home earlier! YAY! You just gotta love Fridays like that!! And it's a long weekend too! BONUS!! :D
Monday, August 25
Well, yes for me she's free :P teehee!
She's so great!
She's been giving me hints and tips for the past 2 months now of which I've actually listened. I've decided that I need all the help I can get...so am throwing myself into this with my everything. And letting her tell me what to do and what to eat.
Yeah that's a big revelation for me to do, hehe!
But seriously, I'm ready. I'm just ready to live this life and be fit and healthy. Screw fucken useless diets and screw the fucked up metabolism that comes along with them!!! Yes, my friends, I've been dealing with a hi-jacked metabolism for the past 5 or 6 months or so. Or longer, who knows!! Sis says I am not eating enough and with the workout regime that she has given me I should be eating atleast 1600. ATLEAST. That has been my bare maximum calorie range...I BARELY eat that much on a regular basis!!! And I have barely been losing pounds too. Go fucking figure, right?! Maybe she's on to something with this whole eating thing...
AND, with all the weight training she's has me doing, my ass is about 1/4 less, my stomach is less flubbery/more defined and my legs have a nice muscle tone to them; which NEVER has happened before (the leg part)! So she's getting me to measure myself so that I can also gauge by tape measure instead of just solely the bastard of a weigh scale...after all muscle weighs more, right?! Right. And it also burns more fat while you are just sitting there in front of your computer at work, while blogging on your personal blog ;P
But to be honest...I am all for the fitness and working-out thing. It's just the eating thing that I have been struggling with (well, duh). But with her telling me to eat more; well now, that is just plain confusing. But then again I see her point too. And this whole "maximum range" mentality is so engrained in my brain that I am now feeling brainwashed. I feel like I got duped...because for awhile, yes it did work. It worked brilliantly. But for MANY, MANY (did I mention MANY?!)months now it is NOT.
It all started about 2 months ago...this epiphany and mentality change in me. Counting calories was just not working by itself anymore for me. So I started working out and joined the gym. Good, yes?! Awesome. Sure, but I still wanted to make a lifetime eating habit change...something I can naturally stick to without having to plunk in my fucken daily calorie intake into some software. So I focused on "eating clean". And read about it and looked it up after my sister told me how she maintains her weight (she mentioned 'eating clean' so, naturally, the computer geek that I am, I googled it). This lead me to reading about eating natural foods; lots of veggies, fruits, wheats, meats etc. and to stay away from packaged and processed foods. Which is common sense but c'mon, who actually practices this shizzit, lol?! But it got me to reading about being addicted to sugar. And FOR SURE, I am!!! Well...aren't we all, I guess, hehe?! Soo...I got rid of ALL of our packaged junk in the house and I don't buy it anymore. Our grocery list is full of wholesome, natural items. Treats may come on the weekend at a leisurely but moderate pace. So be it.
But seriously, this has helped me to get a step closer in the 'right' direction of where I want to be, say in 1 or 2 years. And then pretty much how I want to live my life down the road. That doesn't mean not eating ANY sugar, or ice cream or chocolate or wine. It just means limiting myself of those things and 'eating clean' for atleast 90% of my week. I am gradually turning that week into a 90% clean month. And I have to say, my fridge is STILL full from last thursday's grocery haul...and I'm right on budget too!!! Neither of which EVER happens! So it's benefiting more than just my fat, but dwindling ass.
Anyhow, back to my epiphany...even with all these great eating habits and changes that I've made, the weight scale has been ok...but still rather a yo-yo from hell as I have still been eating under 1600 a day maximum. And sis has been telling me softly for the past while that I need to eat more but I kept on saying no. No, that I'll do everything else she says except that. Because that is what I know and that is what I'm used to and what has worked in the past.
The problem is, as I just outrightly realized so boldly (today), is that it just isn't working anymore.
And as such, after realizing said current life situation today, I am just a bag of emotional (but fat) bones. And I've just had it with my fucking bouncing weigh scale acting like it's in the Olympic Gold medal yo-yo class! So I've decided to let my guard down and do whatever sis says. After all, she is the one who is rock-solid just 10 months post-baby (well she may not think she is but I sure am damn impressed!). So who am I to know what the hell my body needs in this urgent time of decreasing my BMI from obese to overweight (which is my current status although it is dwindling on the dotted line of this and obese!), to finally normal...??? I've been getting fat for about 15 years...so that makes me an expert in losing weight?! Uh. I think not. Quite the opposite in fact. Duh.
So! I'm ALLLL in! Count me in and just tell me what I need to do! I'm here and I'm going to fucking do it this time...and maybe then I can also kick this calorie counting obsession/eating disorder that I've just recently (like today) become aware of that I have!! Oy!
Tuesday, August 19
I live directly downstream from this. Just 100km north of all those people in Fort Chip with all the recent and rare cancers. I've heard of fish having 2 tails, 2 sets of eyes etc.; different mutations than this one...
Please remember: so many people around here still live traditional lifestyles and hunt and fish in these land and waters ALL the time! For food!
This may all seem like it's coming straight out of a Simpson's cartoon, but unfortunately for us, it's real life up here. And not from mining and operating nuclear power, but from mining the oil sands of northern Alberta.So. This is what our government is up to around here...mining our lands for the last drop of oil. All the while poisoning the people and the environment. For money.
I guess some people and some governments really do whatever it takes for a bit of cold, hard cash. I just never thought that my own government, Canada's government, would ever stoop so blindly and so low, to this level of blatant carelessness.
And then turning a blind eye to it.
That's the worst possible criminal behaviour of all.
It's just SO sad that our government cannot see the light on this issue. Instead they only see the dollar signs...and in 10 years, when the oil has run out and the people are left to attempt to heal their cancer-riddened health and to reclaim the vast destruction of their backyard land from mining these oil sands...it will SO not be worth it.
It already isn't...for proof of that, just "Google" about all the rare cancers coming about in the extremely small population of Fort Chip (that is NOT normal!).
This topic up here is a HUGE controversy but the Alberta government is large and in charge...and the Feds are either in cahoots with that provincial government or they don't have the balls to shut it down (or to even slow it down). But most likely all of the above...
How is this happening?! How will I explain to my children about what is happening to them, to their family, to their friends, to their land?? Because we are all being affected. And how will I explain that the government just doesn't care about us!? But nothing new around here I guess. Very sad situation indeed.
And where are our proper government leaders when you need them?!
How many mutated animals do we have to show, how many gallons of freshwater do they have to take away from us only to return it back into the watershed system that is laden with toxins and poisons, how many acres of land do they have to rape and pillage and how many people have to die before something RIGHT and RESPONSIBLE gets done?!
Where has our responsible government gone???
The only fight is with the good people now...the people who are directly affected...and those that care about them. To spread the word around about these toxins flowing directly into our system by industry and government who are bedding together. And to create a ruckus. How else are we supposed to get through to our nonsensicle government??
And speak out loud.
Sometimes it is the only way to be heard.
The link to this fish mutation and national news story: http://www.cbc.ca/canada/edmonton/story/2008/08/18/chip-fish.html
Thursday, August 14
Honestly, I prefer them when they are of toddler age (like Brooklyn who is almost 2 right now); when they are walking (running & falling & scraping knees), talking (whining & screaming & favourite sayings are things like "DON'T DO DAT!"), feeding themselves (my personal thoughts on this are "why oh why did I buy that new, IVORY couch before you were born?! Cuz, it's starting to look a disparaging shade of GREY!") and building their own negotiating skills (she is a PRO at temper tantrumming all while throwing herself on the floor screaming bloody murder). But...it is all very funny to me. Of course I don't let her see me laughing and giggling while she is raging on the floor yelling at me. But she's my own little personal entertainer and I guess I like a good challenge ;-)
But lately, too, I've been watching her be sooo happy playing with her little, baby cousin and the other little kids at daycare and listening to her sing her ABC's (she's almost got it all down pat!) and I just want her to have a little sister or brother to be able to play with as she grows up.
Unfortunately. My short-term plans (but thank gawd they are only short-term!) are to head back to school for 4 months in January. Meaning I have to WAIT. I have to move away, all by myself, to the city (1400km away!) to complete my masters degree coursework. There are no other options really. JD will stay here with her to keep his job and to keep her in daycare here (took us 2 years of being on the 'waiting list' of ALL the local dayhome/cares to finally get her in one!) and I will still have my good job when I return. But atleast if I get my coursework part done, I can start working on my thesis, back here at home. Then, just maybe then, after the courses, we can get pregnant!
...and Lord knows that JD is also really wanting another little critter around and that baby girl is turning 2 in less than a month!! There is so much pressure, these days, to spit your babies out one after another so that they are not too far apart in age. And I'm having a hard time lately convincing myself not to relent to that pressure and to just get my coursework done!
So, anyhow, I know that I really just need to focus on finishing this coursework before I do the baby thing again...because after all: having a latcher or being 9 months huge and preggo while attending hard-core classes while being 1400km away from my baby girl, my superhero hubby and my home, can't be the most desirable or comfortable thing. Right.
Wednesday, August 13
But...I did GOOD! I said "no" to the roll of cookie dough that my husband was trying to shove in my face and "no" to a big bag of chips that my 2 yr old had in her own little cart. And I got mostly fruits, veggies, w.w. bread, chicken and all the other normal stuff on my list! Phew!
So I am personally eating all 'natural' snacks this week (gotta practice what you preach!) like a fruit and celery with a small amount of peanut butter. Although I'm allowing myself one little chocolate square per day for a certain fix; trust me that's been cut down too, from 3 to 1. And I am on day 5 of my holiday detox (from junk food and reduction in sugary foods). Day 5 is piddly, but I need to say it out loud so that I can challenge myself to at least double and then triple it this time!! No more holidays or parties to excuse myself from trying to be a healthy granola nut! teehee :-)
Tuesday, August 12
Well, now that is all she asks for!! Driving home from daycare; walking to Mamere and Papere's house (grandparents); and/or eating supper it's: "Mamma, hamsta song, hamsta song!! Pleeeeeease," while tiliting her head sideways, smiling, batting her eyelashes and pleading with me with those innocent, manipulating and beautiful 2 yr old hazelnut-cream eyes at me (snap out of it mommie!).
Honestly, where does she get this from?!
Listening to this little video/song drives me completely BONKERS! I'd like to ram this little rodent with my broomstick! Ahh, shad-up!
But anyways, here it is for you to go crazy over...make sure you play it over and over and over and over and over and....
And hey. You could play it while doing the housechores! Right-o then! ;0)
Well, I'm not complaining...I just had 2 weeks of holidays and it was a blast! The first week was unplanned as my sister came into town for a surprise visit. So I took the extra week off and needless to say, my eating (and drinking-margaritas!) was off...really off. But I didn't gain as much as I thought I might. Only 5.5 lbs as of today (after 3 days back on the wagon). I think all the exercise and weight training really helps the metabolism 'eat it up' better than if I had not been doing that.
So am currently detoxing my body from the junk food of which I'm really addicted to. Boy, your body does some crazy stuff when it gets that crap into it for more than a day or two in a row...tummy torture but so hard to quit it (eating)! My tummy if finally (after 3 days) starting to feel normal again. And the bloating is going down significantly.
So I'm back at it; eating healthy and exercising that is. Gym today and everyday (with a 2 day break weekends). I'm also looking to cut back my sugar this time around especially after realizing how addicted to it I really am. Plus, I don't want my daughter relying on sugary snacks for the rest of her life. I've been feeding them to her too often lately out of not knowing what else to give her but I am in search for new, healthier snack ideas. So those sugary snacks are out the door and natural, healthy foods are in the plan and what I want her to learn from now on. So here we go...again! Just this time, with a new twist ;)
Woohoo!!! I made it with 1 lb loss this week! Hey, with the way things have been going for the past 6 months, I'll take ANY weight loss!!!
I feel like sharing my (boring, haha) weight loss story or background. It helps me to reflect what I've gone through, how far I've come and the mistakes I've made, in hopes that I don't make them again. Here goes:
I was always a chubby girl/teenager. Even in my 20's. But by then I was more up and down and had some 'thin' months. I never really thought about how to eat properly (or healthily I should say) until my early 20's when I tried Slimfast. It worked a little bit but it also made me think about veggies and just plain eating healthy. I kind of went through my university years in limbo and maintained my chubbiness but exercised fanatically in the meantime. I also always ate with my emotions, unaware.
Then in 2005, I was having trouble finding work and got accepted to an overseas internship and left my hubby behind for almost 6 months to go work in Norway. That trip changed my life and my outlook on life. I started counting calories and made an conscious effort to eat healthily and to reduce my binge/emotional eating habits. I became more confident in myself, started wearing make-up and dressing nice (the clothes fit me now!). I returned home for summer and then left my poor hubby again to go to graduate school. I went from 200 to 155, the lightest I'd ever been in my adult life. A total of 45 pounds. I still had a ways to go but was on the right track.
Then I unexpectedly got pregnant when I came home for Christmas...well, honestly me and DH missed each other so much we probably did it on purpose! haha! So after some stresses in grad school, I took a break from it and came back home to work until baby arrived. I did good at first and then at about 5-6 months, my binging habits started coming back and I didn't push them away. I actually remember eating so much each nite that I was literally ready to burst...so uncomfortably full. Not normal. Again, I consider this to be emotional eating. I wasn't used to being around my hubby and wasn't used to being pregnant and still hadn't (obviously) thought of concrete ways to deal with my emotions. However, after having a beautiful baby girl in Sept 06, I started losing weight right away and was doing really good for the first year. By her first birthday, I just had 10 lbs to get back to pre-preggo weight (155). But for some reason, I just let myself go again. I don't really know why...some reasons I can think of may be that I was depressed with my career (I actually got a good job but had my eye on another job that I'd been trying to get for some time and was really getting the run around from it) and living back in a small town. I just wasn't happy with what I had. So I guess I ate away my feelings at this point. By Christmas 07, I had gained back a good solid 10 lbs. January 2 (of course right), I decided that enough was enough and to get back on the weight loss bandwagon. Although, out of initial desperation, I was literally starving myself by not eating enough calories. I think this, in turn, has affected the last 6 months of trying to llose those blasted 10 lbs. It's been a SLLOOOW go but finally, TODAY, I've lost them!!! And the weight seems to be coming off at a more regular pace again, FINALLY!!! I'm so happy!!
I know this may be some mundane stuff for some people out there, but for me it is a revelation, a process...it is my exciting journey to a happier life and a healthier lifestyle with my family.
I still have 10 lbs to get to my pre-preggo weight (and a total of 41 more pounds to go) but I've learned many, many things along the way and struggled with so many things! And to do it the healthy, balanced way is the BEST way that I feel it can be done!! And after this last round of what I feel like was the repairing of my damaged metabolism (c'mon, 6 months to lose 10 lbs, PHEW!), I am truly gonna NIP these weight-loss duties in the BUD! Yah!
Now...I just need to come up with some coping mechanisms for when I get emotional...hmm...something to seriously ponder and then do!