Lately, I've really been wanting another baby...although, I must admit, that this is not entirely characteristic of me. I am honestly not a baby person... when all they do is eat, poop and sleep and are latched to the boob 24/7 for 12+ months.............. Yes, I do remember that "boob-time".....some mommies love that time.........but for me.............Oy. Can't wait to do it again :-/
Honestly, I prefer them when they are of toddler age (like Brooklyn who is almost 2 right now); when they are walking (running & falling & scraping knees), talking (whining & screaming & favourite sayings are things like "DON'T DO DAT!"), feeding themselves (my personal thoughts on this are "why oh why did I buy that new, IVORY couch before you were born?! Cuz, it's starting to look a disparaging shade of GREY!") and building their own negotiating skills (she is a PRO at temper tantrumming all while throwing herself on the floor screaming bloody murder). But...it is all very funny to me. Of course I don't let her see me laughing and giggling while she is raging on the floor yelling at me. But she's my own little personal entertainer and I guess I like a good challenge ;-)
But lately, too, I've been watching her be sooo happy playing with her little, baby cousin and the other little kids at daycare and listening to her sing her ABC's (she's almost got it all down pat!) and I just want her to have a little sister or brother to be able to play with as she grows up.
Unfortunately. My short-term plans (but thank gawd they are only short-term!) are to head back to school for 4 months in January. Meaning I have to WAIT. I have to move away, all by myself, to the city (1400km away!) to complete my masters degree coursework. There are no other options really. JD will stay here with her to keep his job and to keep her in daycare here (took us 2 years of being on the 'waiting list' of ALL the local dayhome/cares to finally get her in one!) and I will still have my good job when I return. But atleast if I get my coursework part done, I can start working on my thesis, back here at home. Then, just maybe then, after the courses, we can get pregnant!
...and Lord knows that JD is also really wanting another little critter around and that baby girl is turning 2 in less than a month!! There is so much pressure, these days, to spit your babies out one after another so that they are not too far apart in age. And I'm having a hard time lately convincing myself not to relent to that pressure and to just get my coursework done!
So, anyhow, I know that I really just need to focus on finishing this coursework before I do the baby thing again...because after all: having a latcher or being 9 months huge and preggo while attending hard-core classes while being 1400km away from my baby girl, my superhero hubby and my home, can't be the most desirable or comfortable thing. Right.
Broken and Infinite
2 weeks ago