Monday, August 25

Well...a big frightening, yet courageous, step forward.

So I've got my own personal trainer! My sister!!
Well, yes for me she's free :P teehee!
She's so great!
She's been giving me hints and tips for the past 2 months now of which I've actually listened. I've decided that I need all the help I can am throwing myself into this with my everything. And letting her tell me what to do and what to eat.


Yeah that's a big revelation for me to do, hehe!

But seriously, I'm ready. I'm just ready to live this life and be fit and healthy. Screw fucken useless diets and screw the fucked up metabolism that comes along with them!!! Yes, my friends, I've been dealing with a hi-jacked metabolism for the past 5 or 6 months or so. Or longer, who knows!! Sis says I am not eating enough and with the workout regime that she has given me I should be eating atleast 1600. ATLEAST. That has been my bare maximum calorie range...I BARELY eat that much on a regular basis!!! And I have barely been losing pounds too. Go fucking figure, right?! Maybe she's on to something with this whole eating thing...

AND, with all the weight training she's has me doing, my ass is about 1/4 less, my stomach is less flubbery/more defined and my legs have a nice muscle tone to them; which NEVER has happened before (the leg part)! So she's getting me to measure myself so that I can also gauge by tape measure instead of just solely the bastard of a weigh scale...after all muscle weighs more, right?! Right. And it also burns more fat while you are just sitting there in front of your computer at work, while blogging on your personal blog ;P

But to be honest...I am all for the fitness and working-out thing. It's just the eating thing that I have been struggling with (well, duh). But with her telling me to eat more; well now, that is just plain confusing. But then again I see her point too. And this whole "maximum range" mentality is so engrained in my brain that I am now feeling brainwashed. I feel like I got duped...because for awhile, yes it did work. It worked brilliantly. But for MANY, MANY (did I mention MANY?!)months now it is NOT.

It all started about 2 months ago...this epiphany and mentality change in me. Counting calories was just not working by itself anymore for me. So I started working out and joined the gym. Good, yes?! Awesome. Sure, but I still wanted to make a lifetime eating habit change...something I can naturally stick to without having to plunk in my fucken daily calorie intake into some software. So I focused on "eating clean". And read about it and looked it up after my sister told me how she maintains her weight (she mentioned 'eating clean' so, naturally, the computer geek that I am, I googled it). This lead me to reading about eating natural foods; lots of veggies, fruits, wheats, meats etc. and to stay away from packaged and processed foods. Which is common sense but c'mon, who actually practices this shizzit, lol?! But it got me to reading about being addicted to sugar. And FOR SURE, I am!!! Well...aren't we all, I guess, hehe?! Soo...I got rid of ALL of our packaged junk in the house and I don't buy it anymore. Our grocery list is full of wholesome, natural items. Treats may come on the weekend at a leisurely but moderate pace. So be it.

But seriously, this has helped me to get a step closer in the 'right' direction of where I want to be, say in 1 or 2 years. And then pretty much how I want to live my life down the road. That doesn't mean not eating ANY sugar, or ice cream or chocolate or wine. It just means limiting myself of those things and 'eating clean' for atleast 90% of my week. I am gradually turning that week into a 90% clean month. And I have to say, my fridge is STILL full from last thursday's grocery haul...and I'm right on budget too!!! Neither of which EVER happens! So it's benefiting more than just my fat, but dwindling ass.

Anyhow, back to my epiphany...even with all these great eating habits and changes that I've made, the weight scale has been ok...but still rather a yo-yo from hell as I have still been eating under 1600 a day maximum. And sis has been telling me softly for the past while that I need to eat more but I kept on saying no. No, that I'll do everything else she says except that. Because that is what I know and that is what I'm used to and what has worked in the past.

The problem is, as I just outrightly realized so boldly (today), is that it just isn't working anymore.

And as such, after realizing said current life situation today, I am just a bag of emotional (but fat) bones. And I've just had it with my fucking bouncing weigh scale acting like it's in the Olympic Gold medal yo-yo class! So I've decided to let my guard down and do whatever sis says. After all, she is the one who is rock-solid just 10 months post-baby (well she may not think she is but I sure am damn impressed!). So who am I to know what the hell my body needs in this urgent time of decreasing my BMI from obese to overweight (which is my current status although it is dwindling on the dotted line of this and obese!), to finally normal...??? I've been getting fat for about 15 that makes me an expert in losing weight?! Uh. I think not. Quite the opposite in fact. Duh.

So! I'm ALLLL in! Count me in and just tell me what I need to do! I'm here and I'm going to fucking do it this time...and maybe then I can also kick this calorie counting obsession/eating disorder that I've just recently (like today) become aware of that I have!! Oy!

1 comment:

Kate said...

Holy shit! Didnt know that you were eating so less! 1600 calories is the absolute minimum for me too. Well, I'm slightly taller than you, but I dont do the sports thing (I should though, hehe)...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you to stick at your sister's plan. She's very right with what she's saying :-)